The "Icky" Side of Parenting

There’s a show on t.v called “Dirty Jobs”, it’s a fascinating look into some of the ickiest, messies, stinkiest jobs that are performed on a daily basis by people all over the world. Not surprisingly, my husband and children find this show utterly fascinating. I find it interesting but some episodes are a little hard to stomach! The other day I saw the commercial and it got me to thinking that as parents we have a “Dirty Job” too, in fact I think that raising children can be one of the ickiest jobs around. Of course I wouldn’t switch careers for anything in the world, my benefit package is far too rewarding!

Noses- they are almost always snotty, runny, drippy, crusty or worse….being picked!

Bathroom Issues – this is an all-encompassing term that includes everything starting with meconium in-utero, followed by explosive newborn diapers, orange and green baby food tinted diapers, solid no-longer-baby-big-kid-poop diapers, potty training, accidents in the grocery store, peeing the bed, “I-can-wipe-myself-messes”…boy does it ever feel good to be past most of those issues now!

Owie’s – children will incur every manner of scrape, bump, cut, goose egg, broken bones and stitches. If you’re lucky the Dr. will do the stitches for you!

Illness – the most harrowing part of this childhood problem is the vomit, but there’s diarrhea, administering medicine and suppositories, applying cream, oral and rectal thermometers and of course, the terrible feeling of being helpless to put an end to their suffering, or even keep their vomit out of your bed.

Potty Humour – from 3 year old who likes to pee anywhere outside and in front of anyone who might be passing by, to the 5 year old who thinks “poop” is hilarious, to the 8 year old making “farting” sounds in church, to the 11 year old “belching” the alphabet, to the 17 year old making “farting” sounds in the grocery store, to the 20-35 year old who bursts out laughing everytime someone in the room passes gas! Children always seem to find the most embarrassing time to share their most disgusting bodily functions!

Lice – not much else to say.

Emotions – from the moment they are ripping us open from the inside out in the delivery room, to the day we watch them walk down the aisle, children will cause us to feel some of the most powerful, wonderful and often messy emotions within the realm of possibility. They will irritate us, infuriate us, bowl us over with their kindness and cuteness. Most of the time they will bring us indescribably joy but once in a while they will cause us indescribably pain and yet, we wouldn’t give them up for all the peaceful days in the world.

Grammy Observations 2012

So I FINALLY managed to watch the 54th Annual Grammy Awards celebrating achievements in the music industry. For fun, and to justify the time I spent watching this 3 hour extravaganza, I have made some observations on the show. Feel free to comment, disagree or share any of your own thoughts on this years Grammys.

I can’t believe how OLD the Beach Boys are, I half expected them to start singing a remake of California Girls….”I wish we all could be in our fifties…” Perhaps they thought it was the 2012 “GraNNy Awards”…although considering they shared the stage with Sir Paul McArtney, Tony Bennett, Glen Campbell and Bruce Springsteen, I can see why they were confused.

Nikki Minaj…blech….’nuff said.

What exactly is the difference between “Record of the Year” and “Album of the Year”??

Adele made me laugh when she was crying and laughing and “got a little bit o’ snot come out” ha ha ha…so genuine and real!

I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed the Bruno Mars performance. Very clean and artsy, loved the big band aspect and real old school soul dancing, without over-sexed gyrating. Extra points for the pompadour hairstyle, even Ryan Seacrest sported a similar hairdo…thumbs up Bruno!

The camera continually panned to Marc Anthony and his companion…yeah we get it, he moved on…Jennifer Lopez was absent otherwise he probably wouldn’t have gotten any face time at all.

Speaking of missing stars, it was nice to have a Grammy Awards without Kanye West, no wonder Taylor Swift was so relaxed on stage. Actually I didn’t see very many of the usual gangsta godfathers like Jay-Z, 50 cent, Puff Daddy or Kanye…maybe THAT’s why I enjoyed it so much this year. hmmmm….

Beautiful gowns…Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Hillary Scott (Lady Antebellum) and Katy Perry.

It was great to hear the opening monolgue by LL Cool J that included a prayer to “Heavenly Father…”, they may not all believe in Jesus Christ and they may not all really have been praying to God, but it was sweet to hear His name lifted high in public in front of millions of viewers around the world!

Loved the Kelly Clarkson and Jason Aldean duet…too bad his microphone gave out near the end of the performance and instead of singing along anyways with grace, he felt the need to make a big deal about his mic being off…ok we get it, no one can hear you….doesn’t matter ’cause we were only listening to Kelly anyways. Nice hat though…

DeadMau5…Dead Mouse? What is the deal? And I wonder if Walt Disney will be soon bringing a lawsuit against them for the black mouse ear hats they give out to audience members…

Was so excited to see the Civil Wars “open” for Paul McArtney…ha ha so cute….love this couple too, such a lovely simple sound that really evokes a lot of emotion. And in case you didn’t hear her the multiple times she told us, they are friends with Taylor Swift…got it?

Too many men with open shirts for my taste like Charles Kelley (Lady Antebellum) and Chris Brown.

Did not enjoy Sir Paul McArtney and Bruce Springsteen attempting to remain young by having a 10 minute electric guitar jam session….holding the audience captive with their annoying self indulgent ripping…sort of like watching a child’s comedy routine…it’s cute for the first minute of too, then you are just smiling to patronize them.

Pretty Sure that Chris Brown was just singing along with the canned music…doesn’t matter, it was a boring song and I only listened to half before hitting fast forward on the pvr. I mean, I am still bothered that he performed twice on this years show and won a Grammy. I believe in second chances, but I think this guy has been ushered into music industry royalty despite his abominable behaviour towards Rhianna right before the Grammy’s 3 years ago…what kind of example is this for the youth today?

Taylor Swift’s performance was refreshingly wholesome compared to Rhianna, Katy Perry and Nikki Minaj….but I found the depression era set/costumes and banjo’s a little boring and old for a young lady like that. I also found her giant microphone distracting because I couldn’t see her mouth while she was singing. I’d give it a 5 out of 10…too bad, because I was really looking forward to Miss Swift…

Katy Perry’s blue crimped hair was so fun!

Love Adele, and I am SO happy that she won so many Grammy Awards…she is talented and lovely and she doesn’t need to be outrageous and vulgar or perform half naked to be racognized for her artistic achievement. They really should have left a chair up on stage for her…well done Adele.

My Valentine…

I have updated this previous post to include some new things that I have realized I LOVE about my Man in honour of today being Valentine’s Day…

I have been married for 13 years to an amazing man who has given me two wonderful children. I never imagined what marriage would be like or how our relationship would change and develop over the years. With so many marriages breaking up and couples suffering in unhappy relationships, I am so grateful to God for my husband and the love that He has given us. I also think it’s really important to take inventory once and a while and remind myself of all the little things that I love about my man…

1. He keeps a picture of us when we were engaged in the visor of his work vehicle…every time I drive it, I realize that he keeps the photo there so he can see me every day.

2. He often washes the dishes for no reason, just because I am tired and he wants to give me a break. Usually he has worked many hours longer than I have at a physically taxing job, but he takes the time to help me out with something I have planned to do…just because he loves me.

3. He gets choked up when he sees an older woman working in the McDonalds, Tim Hortons or Supermarket bagging groceries. He gets visibly upset at the thought that an octagenarian would have no choice but to still be working so hard at that age.

4. He lets me be the hero. Since I am a stay-at-home Mom, I often feel like all I do is yell and nag the kids. I’m the one who makes them do homework and pick up their toys, whereas Daddy often gets to be the fun one who comes home after chores are done and gets to snuggle and play with them. I get jealous and so I like to tell them about an upcoming family activity or give them the treat we picked up at the store for them that will make them squeal with delight. He probably like to be the hero too, but I appreciate that he lets me have those moments once and a while, even if it was him who bought the treat!

5. When my mother died, he took it really hard. He will still often comment 2 1/2 years later about how much he misses her. I knew that they got along great when she was alive and I know he was sad with me when she passed away, but it’s nice to know he mourns her too.

6. He kills the spiders when he’s home, even though we both know that I do it when he’s not. He knows how much I hate it, so he’ll do it. 

7. He bugs me about taking care of my diabetes. Ok, to be honest, usually this drives me crazy and I get mad. But when I am pondering these things, I know that his pestering comes from a place of love and wanting to care for me.

8. He is so good at refusing the unwanted product offers. The people who come to the door, solicitors that call the house, sales people who stop you in the mall to sell stuff…whoever it is that tries to pressure us, I know that my Man will easily say no thank you. He doesn’t have the sense of irrational guilt and is secure enough to just take a pass. If I am alone I end up spending $1900 on encyclopedias! (I wish I were joking)

9. He gets up on the weekends so I can sleep in a little longer. Neither of us can sleep past 8:30 usually anyways, but he’ll get up at 7:00am and keep the kids quiet even though, it’s the only day he could sleep in.

10. His willingness to help anyone who needs it when I ask him. Whether my single best friend needs the fridge fixed, my friend with the bad back needs the front walk shovelled, the school needs books schlepped into storage, someone at church needs help moving or friends need a jungle gym assembled…whatever it is that someone needs (or I have committed him to doing), he’s there. Ready and willing to lend a hand.

11. He picks up the broken glass, sweeps the cobwebs out of the basement and takes out the garbage. I CAN do all these things, but I don’t like to so I am grateful for him.

12. He has one shoe from each baby hanging on the mirror in his work van, no fuzzy dice or FIFA flags..just reminders of the greatest thing we’ve ever done.

13. He tolerates my silly crying. Whether it is a missing child on the news, my sore feet or the movie P.S I Love You, he may not understand WHERE the tears are coming from, but he has learned to just hold my hand and let it ride without trying to rationalize.

14. He loves playing with the kids. My children love to toboggan, build snow forts, ride bicycles, be pushed on the swings, climb trees, play limbo, race up the stairs (every night on the way to bed), have lightsaber battles and tea parties, dig for worms and snails and catch water snakes and frogs. Their father will do all those things with them no matter how tired he is or how long his day has been and I love that.

15. When I am making grilled cheese, I often get distracted and I forget that I have something cooking…he always remembers to flip it before it bursts into flames!

16. He’s a man’s man. I know that’s not very politically correct. But I love that my man can fix anything, lift anything, carry anything, defend me and shoot everything on the wii hunting game. Inside I am definitely a princess who likes to be protected by her prince!

17. Deep down, he loves my dog. He won’t admit it and I don’t force the issue, because it probably has more to do with the fact that Bailey was my Mom’s dog before she passed away, but I often see him patting Bailey when he thinks I’m not looking. My Mom always said you could tell a lot about the character of a man by the way he treats his dog!

Bigger is Better

Tick Tock. Can you hear that? Tick Tock. No? My biological clock has been ticking like crazy lately, I seem to cross paths with new moms almost daily and I cannot resist the urge to cuddle and coo at every newborn I see. I’m guessing that the approach of my youngest child’s 7th birthday has sent my emotions into a tailspin. Do I want another baby? Not really. (Although more and more I find that the notion doesn’t give me an anuerism like it did a year or so ago.) But really I think there is a nostalgic aspect to my newfound longing for a baby, not so much because I want to have another one, but more because the children I have are so glaringly NOT babies anymore.

Every time I see photos or videos of them when they were babies and toddlers, I remember how sweet and lovely they were. Even the annoyances and difficult moments are blurred by my longing to just hold them again and smell that sweet sleepy smell of newborn baby. Things were so much simpler then; I always knew where they were, I could cuddle and snuggle them as much as I wanted and their problems were instantly solved with food, rocking or a diaper change. There were no kids at school bothering them or math homework stumping them. There were no birthday invitations that didn’t come or beyblade toys they NEED to have but you can’t find ANYWHERE. They were simple and perfect and some days, I would give my left arm to be able to time travel back for a quick visit. Just to give them a soother and rock them to sleep while I deeply inhale the sweet aroma of johnson’s baby shampoo and angelic baby hair one more time.

In an effort to snap myself out of this before I find myself in the delivery room cursing the intoxicating smell of baby shampoo, I began to compile a list of all the things I LOVE about my children being older. The benefits to having bigger kids if you will, a list I periodically will refer to every time a friend comes near me with her brand new bundle of sweetness trying to persuade me that the grass was greener when they were younger.

1. Snacks on the Go are so much easier. I don’t have to stop the car and set up a high chair to monitor their eating. If the whining starts about being hungry, I can just toss a granola bar to them in the back of the van and they have a water bottle to wash it down. Easy Peasy.

2. Trips to the park are  much more relaxing. I don’t have to chase them through the park, they can go down the slide alone and pump on the swings, I can enjoy my coffee and book in my camping chair while I watch them run around and have fun.

3. Fewer Potty Breaks. It is nice to have an older child to help with the younger one. Now when we are in the middle of a lovely dinner at a nice restaurant, I simply say, “Please take your sister to the bathroom” and thankfully I can eat my meal when it’s hot. (Never did that when they were infants, I can tell you!)

4. More Sulf Sufficient. Now, they can tie their shoes and dress themselves, brush their teeth and hair with minimal supervision.

5. Shared interests. I taught my 9 year old to play backgammon. And I can tell you, it’s a LOT more fun than I Spy…

6. P.A. Days are fun. Now that they are able to play more on their own, I don’t spend the whole PA Day jumping through hoops to entertain them. Plus we can do more things out of the house now that they are potty trained and no longer napping.

7. They have real thoughts. We can actually have a conversation with our children now and they have interesting thoughts. I enjoy hearing their perspective on the world and now that they are little people a conversation consists of more than babbling and mimicking mommy.

8. Deeper Spirituality. It’s so great to see my son growing spiritually, he loves to talk about God and what he believes. He has questions and can understand the answers that I give him. It is wonderful to hear him talk about his faith and see him grow.

9. The don’t run away in the mall anymore.

10. When G “helps” me make cookies, it acutally IS a help, as opposed to when they were little and it was more trouble than help.

11. They are much better at pouring milk and making peanut butter sandwiches…much less clean up for mommy when they get up early and want to make breakfast for themselves.

12. They know how to use their teeth. I don’t worry as much about them choking while they are eating, they are much better at chewing their food properly.

13. Better public image. I never worry about taking them out in public to a restaurant or theatre. They don’t throw tantrums, or drop dishes on the floor.

14. Fewer safety concerns.  I can leave my hot coffee, lit candles and the Christmas tree unattended because they know better than touch them.

15. They pick out great birthday, Christmas and Mother’s Day gifts for mommy now.  Which means no more hideous brooches!

16. They can spend the day at Daddy’s shop…which means mommy can go grocery shopping alone!

17. They are old enough to appreciate watching the shows of my childhood like Jem and the Holograms or Care Bears.

18. Smarty Pants. Sometimes I find that J is so smart that he can actually understand things about how the world works, when I explain them to him. He often even explains things TO me!

19. I no longer need to help them with their bathroom business. That’s just a good thing.

20. Our house is baby gate, safety handle, lock and wire mesh-free…they are responsible enough to go everywhere in the house and I know they will not pick through the trash or flush things down the toilet.

21. Jokes are funny now. They finally have real senses of humour…sometimes it’s even beyond the knock knock jokes if we are really lucky.

22. They are starting to understand the misleading nature of advertising campaigns and the unfortunate truth that toys usually can’t do exactly what they see on the commercials. It means a little less disappointment when they try to make the lego planes fly…

23. He can shower entirely by himself and she can brush her own hair…sometimes, but it still looks better when I do it.

24. Share the blame. Now, when anyone asks…it is ALWAYS possible that THEY ate the last cookie, not mommy!

So if you are like me and have found yourself wistfully looking back to when they were small, or if you are a new mom wondering if you could possibly DIE if your teeny baby were ever to grow? Consider this list as an encouragement….sometimes, Bigger is Better…

Too Old? Pshaw!

Some might say that I am too old to enjoy some of these things. However despite celebrating my 35th birthday, I still enjoy some things from my youth! Maybe there’s something on this list that you have forgotten from days gone by, or something generally enjoyed by the youth of today. But don’t be shy…you are never too old!

1. Creamsicles

2. Christmas Morning

3. Board Games

4. Grape Bubblicious Gum

5. Pop Rocks Candy

6. Barbies

7. Flip Flops

8. Grape Pop

9. Canada’s Wonderland

10. Making Snow Angels

11. Strawberry Babyfood

12. Jumping on the Bed

13. Pancakes for Dinner

14. Animated Movies

15. Peanut Butter and Jam Sandwiches

16. Teeny-Bopper Romantic Comedies

17. Raw Cookie Dough

18. Colourful Hair Baubles

19. Archie Comics

20. Snuggling

21. Curly Ribbon

22. Zac Efron

23. Snowglobes

24. Restaurants with Colouring Paper on the table

25. Sparklers

26. Jelly Beans

27. Pac Man

28. Waterslides

29. Drawing on the steamed mirror

30. Eating Cookie Dough

Sometimes You Just Have to Laugh

It’s funny when children mimic our behaviour. I’m sure there are developmental reasons that they copy the things we do and say, but I think that sometimes it’s just designed to give us a laugh. For instance, recently we were at a restaurant for dinner as a family and my daughter went to great  lengths to explain her desperate need for a toy from the treasure chest. The comical part was that she used air quotes for every word. Where did she see that and why did she see fit to use them in this instance? We may never know…

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G: “That looks ugly Daddy!”

Dad: “Really I didn’t think it was THAT bad…”

G: “That’s because  you just don’t know fashion!!” Very true, he doesn’t.

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Often my daughter will watch me intently as I apply my makeup. That might explain why one day  when she was three, I found her in the kitchen trying to put on makeup with a permanent red marker. I just had to laugh. 

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For G’s birthday a friend of mine painted a beautiful mural of daisies on her bedroom wall. Within a few weeks I found the whole wall covered in pencil scribbles. When I asked her why, the answer was “I don’t know”  Honestly, I am barely laughing.

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Conversation between my children: “Mommy, how come your belly’s like that? “Don’t call her fat, it will hurt her feelings”….thanks…I think?? Ok, that one was funny.

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When my youngest was born I decided that I should learn baby signs to help her communicate better, so I began teaching my 3 year old son a few signs here and there. I figured that it would give me practice and maybe he would be able to help me talk to his baby sister when she was ready. I never anticipated that he would use this skill to disobey me. And yet, I found myself in Mcdonalds trying to coax him out of the playland so we could go. Every time I tapped on the window to let him know it was time to leave, he skillfully used his hand signs to inform me that he was not going to leave. So basically I had given my preschooler the tools to flip me off in a whole other language! I just had to laugh… but not until MUCH later.

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“No Mommy I’m too tired to get up this morning, I’m sooo sleepy!”  “But it’s Halloween today, you need to get up” ” No that’s ok, you guys just take my bag and get my candy for me…thanks” I just had to laugh.

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G: Mommy can you please buy me a lock?  Mommy: What do you need a lock for sweetie? G: Well I don’t want anyone to read the stuff I wrote in my diarrhea!!

Walking Grief

I recently suffered from a couple of strange emotional days, a friend of mine lost her dog and I took it much harder than would be considered  appropriate considering it was a dog and not even my dog. Don’t get me wrong, this was one of the loveliest dogs I have ever known and I truly loved him, but I spent an entire day trying to control my weeping and felt silly to say the least. My husband always accuses me of being overly analytical, that I have to understand everything and make sense of things like this. So as is customary, I analyzed this inexplicable emotional reaction and tried to find logic in the agitated anxious sleep I endured for a couple of nights. It seemed to me that this was not unlike the episodes of overwhelming sadness I felt when I made my first turkey dinner without my mom or realized that my fathers new marriage meant the end of my childhood family. But unlike those things that are directly connected to the loss of my Mother, this dog had nothing at all to do with my personal loss, so what caused me to be so affected?

Experts call it the “New Normal”, but it’s really just another stage of grief, I call it “Walking Grief”…I am thinking of coining this term (as soon as I get my Triple Doctorate in Psychology, Sociology and Social Work

To give you an idea what I am referring to when I say “Walking Grief”, it helps to understand a physical ailment commonly suffered around the world, “Walking Pneumonia”. For those who have never heard of this or perhaps have heard people make reference to it without fully understanding what it is, I did a little research. Walking Pneumonia is an atypical, milder form of pnemonia that can be “bothersome and can linger for a month or two; in some rare instances the condition can be serious and even life threatening.”  I found it particularly interesting to read that this condition came to be known as “walking pneumonia” because many people with pneumonia are still quite capable of walking around apparently recovered, despite being in fact quite ill.

Most of the symptoms in patients with this form of pneumonia were found to have cleared up. The cold-like symptoms including fever, chills, headaches, chest pain and fatigue had seemed to be remedied, however the patient was still ‘walking around’ with pneumonia. The similarities between this physical illness and the condition of a person in the throes of personal loss are undeniable to me.

When you lose a loved one, there are so many unique facets to the grieving process. Some experts have categorized it as levels or stages of grief. Everyone has their own way of coping and they move through all these stages at varying speeds and to differing degrees. Since losing my mother unexpectedly before she was yet 50, I have been through my own process of coping with grief. Interestingly enough, I feel like there is an unresearched, or at least unspoken level to bereavement that is as yet, unexplained. The stage after most of our “symptoms’ have cleared up and we seem to be settled back into our regular lives. When the meals stop coming and we go back to work, when we are not crying uncontrollably and we are adjusting to our New Normal. Unfortunately, most bereaved people are still walking around with their grief and it threatens to rear its head at any moment, without warning.

Beyond the death of the loved one including the pain of their absence and the loss of the future you would have shared with them, are the everyday things that hold incredible significance now that they are gone. One might experience episodes that suddenly interupt your day and often cause weeping. The commercial for a t.v show you enjoyed watching with your loved one, finding something with their handwriting on it, coming across a family photo, milestones in your children’s lives that cause you to remember that this person will never get to see how much they have achieved. Random happenings that can bring the onset of acute grief symptoms.

Now, these things happen in the lives of everyone who is experiencing grief. What differentiates these instances from regular grief is that they can happen for years after the original loss.  As much as people claim to understand that everyone grieves differently and there is no grace period for grieving, the truth is that most people are baffled when you break down in sadness years after the death because you came across a recipe for cookies your Mother used to make.

I can’t count how many times I was experiencing emotions ranging from slightly choked up, to outright sobbing, when a well-meaning person has asked me how long since my mother died. When my response is ”3 years ago”, I am faced with the involuntary “oh” laced with a mental evaluation. In that moment I see the person subtlely pull back with their sympathy. It’s not intentional, it doesn’t stem from a a lack of compassion or kindness. It is simply a common response of those who are freely walking around without grief, those who still have a clean emotional bill of health. To those who are still coping with the emotions regarding the loss of a loved one, this response causes feelings of failure and frustration, like somehow we have failed to complete our course of grief and have been found lacking the emotional fortitude necessary to reach the other side of grief properly.

The truth is that unlike the physical ailment, there is in my opinion no real cure for “Walking Grief”. Those living with this condition need to simply continue dealing with these episodes as calmly as possible and surround themselves with people who understand and perhaps suffer similar symptoms. But to those who don’t understand, please be patient with us, it’s already unnerving  to be so affected by our memories and betrayed by our tear ducts. We don’t need anyone to rationalize or make sense of this, nor does it help to share perfectly logical musings on the subject. We don’t need you to say anything to “help us get over it”. Just come along side and sit with us, maybe even cry with us. Some days the pain of loss feels as fresh as ever.

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Walking WITH grief, Walking AWAY from grief, Walking THROUGH grief, Walking AMIDST the grief, Walking Grief…

First World Pains…

I was recently on Twitter and the site suggested some other accounts that I might be interested in following. This online function always strikes me as interesting and even a little disturbing, how does the program know what I like or who I might be interested in? I’m sure that there is some sort of algorithm or formula for tracking what I write about and which links I click on, but I find it unsettling to think that I am putting so much about myself out there, that someone…somewhere is collecting information about my likes and dislikes. Twitter offered me a page and to tell you the truth, it resonated with me…it’s called @firstworldpains. I wonder if there is something in my online movements that gives the computer the impression that perhaps I am too entitled or pretentious, and therefore need a reminder about how fortunate I am to live where I do and in the manner I live? Hmmm…food for thought.

In any event, I checked out this twitter feed and while I was looking at their previous tweets, it occured to me that I could share with my readers, some of these “first world pains” that we often struggle with. Some seem to be tongue in cheek, but many are things that I find myself complaining about on a regular basis. Considering the living conditions of so many people all over the world, this exercise has served to remind me to at least be more self aware. Pay attention to my attitude and whether or not I am really so hard done by…

So here they are, a partial look at the list of  ”pains” that appeared on the @firstworldpains twitter page. **All credit for said list goes to them.** 

My stomach hurts from eating too much food.  #firstworldpains

 

The chairs in the movie theatre don’t recline #firstworldpains

 

The guy at subway put the wrong vegetables on my sub and now it tastes weird #firstworldpains

 

I can’t believe I have to work my entire shift on Dec. 23rd, just to get my 8 days of paid holiday. #firstworldpains

 

Twitter is down, I have to do my homework. #firstworldpains

 

The person next to me in the library has a cough #firstworldpains

 

Facebook logged me out, so I have to log in again #firstworldpains

 

My parking spot is on the other side of the parking lot #firstworldpains

  

The build a bear workshop has run out of wigs for teddy bears. #firstworldpains

 

I dropped ketchup on my white shirt. #firstworldpains

 

All I want is coffee and we have no creamer. #firstworldpains

 

My gum has lost all its flavour #firstworldpains

 

My flight to the Bahamas was delayed #firstworldpains

  

The bread I bought is too long to fit in my toaster #firstworldpains

 

Getting new car smell as an air freshener when you asked for vanilla after the car wash. #firstworldpains

 

I can’t decide, either the robin eggs or the caviar?  #firstworldpains

 

My DVR has run out of space!! #firstworldpains

 

I have to bag my own groceries at the self checkout line #firstworldpains

 

I don’t like Brita filtered water I only drink Pur filtered water. #firstworldpains

 

I thought someone made cookies, but the smell was just a candle #firstworldpains

 

My internet takes too long to load  #firstworldpains

 

My house has 3 chimneys. Which one do i leave milk & cookies for santa? #firstworldpains

Holiday Eggshells

December means it’s time for everyone to get out their bag of proverbial eggshells to start walking on as we head into the Christmas Season. So this year before celebrators wave the religious white flag, I have some questions…

Why do women without children not object to the phrase Happy Mother’s Day? Why are we not offended by the widespread presence of green on St. Patrick’s Day March 17 even though we are not Irish? Why is it OK to say “Happy Valentine’s Day” when we are not in love? Why do we enjoy celebrating birthdays that are not our own?

Why? Because people love to share in the joy and celebrations of other people. It’s as simple as that. Somewhere in the pressure to be politically correct, we have lost the ability to be genuinely happy for someone else. We’ve become selfish with our joy.

The commercial “Christmas” that is celebrated all over North America is not even the true Christmas that I celebrate and hold so dearly anyways. The lack of Santa at the mall or the prohibition of  “The 12 Days of Christmas” in the school has no bearing on my right (and priviledge) to honour my God and His miraculous birth in Bethlehem. Whether others choose to celebrate their Christmas at Best Buy and Toys ‘R Us or not does not keep me from joyously remembering that His birth and subsequent death on a cross and resurrection provide me the opportunity to one day spend eternity with my Saviour.

In the same manner, other Canadians choosing to celebrate Ramadan, Diwali, Hanukkah or Chinese New Year, doesn’t negatively affect my Christmas. I am not so arrogant as to assume that everyone I will encounter this coming month will believe as I do. Nor do I think it is necessary for me to demean or negate the cultural or religious beliefs of others to somehow validate my own beliefs. My God is Awesome and His birth is worthy of my celebration regardless of what other people choose to celebrate this year. It’s important to show grace to all those around me, Christ told us to love one another and show kindness to everyone. I believe that includes allowing people to not celebrate Christmas and make their own choices even when they differ from my own.  I would love for everyone I know that I meet to understand that the God of the Universe was born in a manger so he could die on a cross for each one of them, but sadly many will not believe it, and that is their freedom. God gave the world freedom to choose Him or reject Him.

Christians who seek to arrogantly “remind” the world that Christmas is “our” holiday and are intolerant of the beliefs of others, do an injustice to all. The very fact that all Canadians are entitled to freely practice their faith means that we can freely practice OUR faith, unlike many of Christians in other parts of the world.

I have never personally encountered someone of a different ethnicity or faith who was offended when I said “Merry Christmas”, as I would not be offended if a Jewish person wished me “Happy Hanukkah”. Their happiness at their holiday in no way robs me of my joy this Christmas. Instead of creating a holiday vacuum, devoid of all joy, we could proudly share our cultural celebrations with everyone around us and sidestep the eggshells altogether.

My UN-Bucket List

aka…things I haven’t done and likely never will…

I recently read the status update of a facebook friend, listing the various things that she has never done…I instantly decided to borrow the idea and do a counter-post to my previous “Bucket List” posting. So in no particular order, here is a exhaustive partial list of things that I will probably never accomplish, or have emphatically decided against ever attempting!

1. Get a tattoo

2. Have 19 kids and counting

3. Learn Astrology

4. Get Ear Gauges

5. Read War and Peace (I love to read but, who has the time for that?)

6. Finish learning the trumpet

7. Go to Las Vegas

8. Have a baby without an Epidural

9. Become a Vegetarian

10. Shave my head

11. Swim across the English Channel

12. Win the lottery (of course I never play…so that’s why…)

13. Become a doctor

14. Own a pot-bellied pig

15. Climb Mount Kilimanjaro

16. Wear a size 2

17. Read the rest of the Twilight Series (I read book one to see what all the hoopla was about…that’s 2 hours of my life I’ll NEVER get back!)

18. Get my degree from Harvard

19. Run a Marathon

20. Get a ride in the Cash Cab

21. Meet Barack Obama

22. Vacation in the Hamptons

23. Fit in my wedding dress again

24. Visit a Psychic

25. Be Grand Marshall for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

26. Eat Japanese Puffer Fish

27. Ride a Motorcycle

28. Have white carpet in my house

29. Become a Rockette

30. Crochet myself a Unitard

HOME

…..”May be surrounded by
       A million people I
      Still feel all alone
      I just wanna go home
     Oh, I miss you, you know”…..

These words floated around in my car yesterday as I was driving down a winding road covered in autumn leaves. As beautiful as the drive was, all of a sudden my heart felt like it would burst….instead my eyes were inexplicably flooded. Tears from some unknown place inside me where reason and logic escape me. It wasn’t Michael Buble who made me weep (although he’s very good at evoking emotion) nor do I really identify with his song because I am a traveller separated from my love (he’s actually sleeping beside me right now).

No, I am more affected by the idea of HOME. Some days I am overwhelmed with homesickness. So strange to me, the idea that even in the home that I have built with my husband and children, I could still be somehow missing home. In a room full of people I love, who love me, I could still feel alone. What’s the problem?  With Christmas coming I feel like I am a million miles away from home. But I’m not, so what’s wrong with me. Once again, it’s my Mom that’s not here. After 3 years of her not being at HOME, I would still give anything to call her and say I’m coming home for Christmas, or the weekend, or even just pop in for a coffee. It’s true, sometimes I just wanna go home, because I miss her….she’s too far from where I am.

The truth is, home is not there anymore. She’s gone, my childhood is gone, the family we had is gone. Even as an adult with a home of my own it’s hard to grasp those facts sometimes. Irrational as it is to those on the outside, some days I would give anything just to go home.

….Let me go home
     I’m just too far from where you are
     I wanna come home….

Dear Michael Buble….thanks a lot….

(In)dispensable?

There is one moment that every mother fears, that point in time when something happens that causes her and she realizes that she is not indispensable to her family. I had that moment recently, and it wasn’t pretty. While recovering from surgery I was forced to watch my family survive without me for a couple of weeks. Meals, homework, housekeeping,  bathtime and braids….all successfully completed without my control help. How did that happen? That’s not how things are supposed to go when I am laid up? The house is supposed to fall into shambles while hubby and children aimlessly wander through the weekly schedule marvelling at how Mommy can do THIS every week with such polish and pizazz. Did they miss the memo?

More than the discomfort of physical healing was the damage to my ego when I realized that my family could not only accomplish all the daily tasks that I usually take care of, but they would need to take care of me also. I had to learn to be dependent; which included help with my personal needs, meals to be made and brought to me and I had to let others do my chores their way, not mine. That’s not easy when you are used to being the Queen of your castle.

On the other hand, it was nice to stay in my pyjamas and snuggle in bed watching movies with my little ones. I got some unprecedented time to read a few novels for several hours straight (an absolute blessing!) Plus, after spending all day staring at the bedroom walls, it was such a delight to see the kids after school, especially when I didn’t have to be the one to make them pick up their toys. I also got to take a break from my role as dishwasher, laundress, taxi driver, cook and shopper for a couple of weeks. So I guess it wasn’t such a bad trade after all…temporarily of course!

Grade 1, the End of an Era

It strikes me as I am wading through the piles of brightly coloured Barbie lunch boxes and Hannah Montana backpacks of various shapes and sizes, looking for the perfect back-to-school paraphernalia; that before I know it, my youngest will be heading off into the world. It’s the End of an Era, there are no more babies in our house and none on the horizon. So this is it, my baby girl will leave for grade one. She will head off on Tuesday with little thought to her teary-eyed mother, who will no doubt spend the entire day wallowing in the fading memories of every milestone she has surpassed thus far in her short independent life.

Which new phase has troubled me the most? It’s hard to say, maybe the day she told me she wanted to pick out her own clothes, because we “don’t know fashion.” Or when she toilet trained and had to move into a big girl bed in order to go to the bathroom without scaling the side of the crib, two painful milestones in one! It might even have been the day she decided to start brushing her own hair….*sigh*

It’s hard to say which milestone was the most difficult for Mommy, although I distinctly remember the pain of putting away her tiny pink go-go boots  and buying Princess sippy cups and a toddler bed. Has it been 6 years since I was told she’d need to be born premature at 34 weeks? How did the minutes turn into months and years without my noticing? How will I make it through the next 12 years before she goes to college and gets married? Am I the only one who feels like the next decade is a runaway train and I’m barely hanging on? Does anyone else burst into tears while watching “Say Yes to the Dress”?

So between 8:30am and 3:00pm between Monday to Friday I will be a childless mother…wondering if she’s ok; are the other kids being nice to her? Has someone told her that her hair looks funny or her shoes aren’t cool? Is she eating her lunch? Is she having fun? Does she miss staying home with Mommy as much as I miss having her home? Has she learned any bad words today? Is the teacher gentle, does she understand her independenct spirit? Will she ever learn to love reading? Have we done a good job preparing her for this time in her life? What have we forgotten to teach her? Will she be forever damaged because she can follow a recipe and make cookies but can’t read as well as her brother could entering grade one?

I realize that I am over-reacting, and surely I’m not the first mother to see grade one as the beginning of the end. My rational side says there are a million more milestones on the horizon that will be equally exciting and emotional for us both. The school age years will blend into the teeny-bopper phase and then the tumultuous teens, which I’m told is more painful and rewarding than any valley I have passed through thus far.

And so I reach up and pluck a leopard print lunch box off the shelf and put it into a pink backpack and head to the grocery section for a box of fruit roll-ups, because after all…she’s only six and it’s only grade one. (Besides,  I made it through the first child going to grade one, so I’m sure I’ll live through this one too.)

Post-Baby Mommy

Recently watching home videos from when my children were smaller, I was overwhelmed (once again) by how much I love them and how much they have grown in the last few years. We often take for granted that our offspring will grow up, but it is so amazing to see it in full colour on the t.v. I am often torn between pride that they have grown up so beautiful and healthy and a slight sadness that I can’t ever go back and see them when they were babies. I would love to be able to do that, not turn back the clock permanently, just a quick visit.

Not only have my children changed, but I have changed since having children. I was thinking about all the things about me that have changed as a result of having babies or being a mother, positive and negative changes. The list seems to be endless, but here are a few… 

Wider Feet – That’s right, I’m sure all you Mom’s out there are giving me a shout out as you squeeze your feet into your shiny pre-baby heels that you can only wear comfortably when you are sitting down and there is no weight on them!

Aversion Therapy  – I used to run away from spiders and earwigs screeching like a 2 year old, until my son began to respond in the same way and my hubby begged me to help him cope with little crawlers maturely, so he wouldn’t be ridiculed by future peers. I am happy to report that I now successfully deal with rogue spiders by stepping on them and swallowing the bile. This summer I endeavoured to do the same with snakes. While on vacation, my 9 year old found more than 10 and I actually held one, in an effort to prove that I could do it with out passing out. Baby steps.

Medical Degree – Okay, so I haven’t actually achieved a Phd in medicine, but I am super-proficient in identifying all forms of pink eye, lice, constipation, ear infection, fever, warts, ingrown toenails,  flu etc..

Instant Alertness – Since the time my son was nursing I have honed the ability to wake up at the drop of a hat, whether because my alarm is going or because one of the children is having a nightmare. This skill would have been handy in high school when I slept through the alarm for an hour straight, however it is an imperative part of being a mother especially since their dad is a heavy sleeper and often sleeps on his only good ear!

Blissfully Ignorant- There was a time when I enjoyed watching the news, I like to keep up with what was going on in the world. Since I had my first child, I have become a sobbing pile of tears whenever I read of an abducted child or murdered grandmother. Stories like the abduction of little Jaycee Dugard cut me to the core and cause an irrational fear of my children leaving my sight even for a minute. 

Media Censorhip- As a grown up, I am able to watch whatever I want on tv. However since my little ones started paying attention, I have to be much more vigilant about what they are experiencing through the screen. Just because something is on the Disney channel doesn’t mean it’s appropriate. Especially when every other show has idiotic irrelevant parents and children trying to get away with all sorts of bad things.

Expanding Comfort Zone – There are so many things that I was reluctant to do before I had children. Activities like swimming, hiking, and crafts come immediately to mind. But since becoming a Mom there are so many things that I have been able to do or experience that have enriched my life. Camping, Teaching Sunday School, Volunteering at the School, Waterslides, Cool Halloween Costumes, Field Trips, Splash Pads, Making Playdough plus many more.  I am so grateful for the opporunities my children have afforded me.

Physical Imperfections - I like to tease my children that I had a perfect body before I had them and that all the stretch marks, skin tags and extra rolls were the price I paid to bring them into this world. What? They weren’t there, they can’t prove it’s NOT true!

Ode To Miller

Some people have large families full of cousins and grandparents, aunts and uncles. Their family vacations are spent strengthening the family bonds that began in childhood and now span a multiple generations. For our family, that is not an option. For a multitude of reasons, we don’t spend large quantities of time with our cousins, aunts and uncles etc. and although we love them very much, we don’t vacations with our extended family. That is why it is so important that we have found a place to make all those family connections, outside of our natural family. It’s said that “Friends are the Family we Choose”, I have found that to be extremely true, especially in one place particular.

More than just the cool sweet lake water and the warm soft sand of the volleyball court, more than the plague of frogs trying to escape from grubby little hands. It’s where we spend time with our God-Given family, the ones we have CHOSEN to spend time with. The Mom’s who share our struggles at bedtime, who offer the smile of encouragement when they see us negotiating one more bite. Friends that don’t judge us when we say “I’m going to tell you more time” and then decide to let it go in an effort to enjoy the afternoon at the beach. They don’t make us feel like we have failed as parents because we give the kids chocolate cheerios or lucky charms for breakfast and lose track of how many granola bars they eat between meals.

It’s where Dad’s try to catch snakes and frogs with the kids, and teach them to kayak and Mom’s build sandcastles and float on noodles. Where our men pray together and strengthen the bonds of manhood over ping pong until the garage smells like a locker room. Where every grown man feels like a kid again as he goes careening off the slippery dock or dumps ice cold water down a friends’ back.

Board games into the wee hours, kettlebells on the lawn, dodging skunks in search of a midnight snack, 12 people washing the dinner dishes at once, tipping the canoe, biblical scavenger hunts, Elijah bringing the fire, women sharing their struggles and interceding before the Lord, smores and skits at campfire, pranks, daytrips to the grotto and ice cream sundaes, there is just no place like it.

Coffeepot earwigs, droopy baby bathing suits, pouring rain, laundry stains, burnt caramel popcorn, sand in every crevice, mosquitos galore, 12 hours of pouring rain, thunder and lightning, and a severe potato shortage on Sundays can’t come close to dampening the joy we find there. Because there are too many blessings, too many people who love the Lord, too many families who have chosen to make this their extended family vacation if only for one week.

It’s where we make breakfast while tripping over eachother, where we break out the snacks and play silly games, where we build newspaper boats and sing a Halelujah chorus and keep our eyes on one anothers precious little ones. Where everyone pitches in for chores and we’re not afraid to look silly playing a game with the kids even though our little ones are not so little anymore.

If you still haven’t guessed where this magical place is, I’ll tell you…it’s Miller Lake and it’s where we choose to go every year to be with all our crazy friends who feel more like our family. And I’d rather be there than anywhere else.

Easier Than You Think…

There are certain “Truths” in life; in the human physical world, the natural world, the animal kingdom etc.. Things that we as people believe regardless of the lack of immediate proof or obvious rationality of these particular truths. Things like gravity for instance. We don’t need to see it or touch it to understand the concept. Why? Because we can see the effects of gravity when something is dropped off of a building. Because Sir Isaac Newton wrote the law of gravity, which is a mathematical explanation for the way that things attract based on experiments and observations. This is just one of many “truths” that we believe on a daily basis throughout our everyday lives.

We believe that we are pregnant when the pregnancy test shows a little pink plus sign. Why? How can anyone be so sure? When we have a blood test and the doctor confirms the urine test, did the doctor himself see the baby inside the mother at 3 weeks? Can mom feel the movements at this early stage? No, but somewhere, someone has defined the test and identified what the proof is. We all believe it completely until we can see/feel the baby ourselves. That takes a lot of faith.

We believe the Oncologist when he says, “You have cancer, you probably have 6 -8 months left”. Wow, that’s huge! Not only do we believe the man in the lab coat, but we submit to an insupportable gamut of tests and life altering treatments. Why? Can we see the cancer? Can the doctor be sure beyond any doubt that chemotherapy and radiation will save or even extend our lives? No. But we trust in the “evidence”, previous tests, personal testimony from survivors, scientific proof based on lab experiments we don’t understand or can even prove have been successfully performed. That’s a lot of faith required to make it through the negative side effects of cancer treatment.

We believe that healthy eating, exercise and rest will keep us healthy. How can we be so sure? How do we KNOW that healthy people are healthy because of their diet and exercise choices? Don’t we believe it to be true because we can examine their lives and see that when they adhere to a strict regime of healthy eating and activity their overall health improves? And don’t movies like “Supersize Me”, give us physical evidence to suggest that daily eating of “junk food” causes a definite deterioration of one’s physical health?

Given these specific situations that require a faith response even without absolute proof, why then, is it so hard to believe that there is a God? Why do so many people continue to maintain that belief in a Creator is so far-fetched?  The truth isn’t really THAT hard to grasp and the resulting joy that comes is SO SO worth it! The truth is this; that Humans are born sinners in need of a savior and therefore are separated from the Holy God. And that God’s son (Jesus Christ) came as the solution to that problem, because God loves us TOO MUCH to let us stay separated from Him?

Can’t we apply the same deductive reasoning and faith required to believe the aforementioned “truths” to the issue of Christianity? For example, there is overwhelming evidence that there is a God. There are the cliche proofs like sunsets and rainbows and inexplicable medical miracles. And then there are things like the human body, which doctors can only treat and analyze but are incapable of really explaining. There’s the universe itself, although scientists have attempted to form an “explanation” for the origins of the universe aka The Big Bang Theory, ultimately they still can’t explain where the original atoms that “crashed together” came from. The Big Bang Theory is in fact just a theory which cannoth be proven nor is it a concise reasoning for what it’s proponents claim that it explains, that is the spontaneous birth of the universe without a creator.

I find it interesting that people who claim to not believe in a God at all, use the reasoning that it requires too much faith to believe in God or Jesus. That the doctrines of Christianity are absurd and irrational. I think it’s easier to believe than you think. The world is full of evil and evidences of the effects of sin on humanity. There are millions of people every day all over the world who can show you how their faith in Christ has transformed their lives, freed them from pain, suffering and addictions. God has blessed them and enabled them to overcome incredible obstacles in life. Millions of people over hundreds and hundreds of years have lived and died praising the Glory of God. Doesn’t it require an incredible amount of faith to believe that SO many people could be ignorant or duped by a lie.

Many many people have tried to squash the church, eradicate Christians and destroy the Bible which is God’s Living Word, and yet it remains to this day the number one selling book of all time. In an age where the world tells us to look out for number one why would people still travel to far off lands and risk their lives to tell total strangers about Jesus? Because they know it to be true. They know the meaning of life. People need to be restored to the Lord, they need a saviour. Sin has separated us from God and His holiness. The only answer is Jesus. He died for us, in our place, and He ROSE AGAIN, conquering death! All we have to do is recognize that we are sinners in need of a saviour, accept the free gift and dedicate our lives to Him. Life in Christ isn’t always easier, but it’s SO MUCH BETTER.

There are so many things that require our unquestioning  faith on a daily basis, why is this incredibly life-altering promise so difficult to believe?

If you were dying and I knew the cure, would you hear my ideas even if it didn’t seem to make sense and the cure was laughed at by the world?